Guest Guest Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class > section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped > her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. > > The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman > sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently > once more. > > Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious > about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed > yet again. > > As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking ever more > than before. > > Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, > "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your > nose, and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?" > > "I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; > whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm." > > The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have never > heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?" > > The woman nodded, "Pepper." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Just Lookin Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 LOL I love it! Hell I wish I had that medical condition! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sleepless in Hillcrest Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dlinclimo Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 A man, while playing on the front nine of a Complicated golf course, became Confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her If she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you Must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened and he Approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole Behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse Where he saw the same l ady si tting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and Played the course often. He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a Drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the Sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?" She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh." "No, I won't." "Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax." With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, "See, I knew you would laugh." "That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sleepless in Hillcrest Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 A man, while playing on the front nine of a Complicated golf course, became Confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her If she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you Must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened and he Approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole Behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole." Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse Where he saw the same l ady si tting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and Played the course often. He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a Drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the Sales profession. I'm in sales also. What do you sell?" She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh." "No, I won't." "Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax." With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, "See, I knew you would laugh." "That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you That's funny! Quit telling jokes on here or you'll give BCV the bad reputation of being entertaining! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dlinclimo Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married..... > The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' > > Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. > > Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. > > (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!) > > The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' > > When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.... _________________________________________________________________ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sleepless in Hillcrest Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married..... > The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' > > Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. > > Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. > > (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!) > > The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' > > When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.... _________________________________________________________________ Thanks for the entertainment this afternoon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2pelo Honey Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 I'm glad I checked before posting this, cuz I was almost ready to post the "girl's night out" one...thanks, dlinclimo!!! So, I'm borrowing this one from HGL's site, which made me LOL!!! A fireman was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a fireman's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fireman walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration. "Thanks" the girl replied. The fireman looked a little closer and noticed that the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner," the fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster." The girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sleepless in Hillcrest Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 Too cute Toop! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2pelo Honey Posted February 10, 2008 Report Share Posted February 10, 2008 > A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, > looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his > sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus > is watching you." > > > He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. > When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised > himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on > and began searching for more valuables. > > > Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, Clear > as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his > light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. > > > Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on > a parrot. > > Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. > > "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." > > The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" > > "Moses," replied the bird. > > "Moses?" the burglar laughed . "What kind of people would name a bird > Moses?" > > "The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dlinclimo Posted February 11, 2008 Report Share Posted February 11, 2008 I'm glad I checked before posting this, cuz I was almost ready to post the "girl's night out" one...thanks, dlinclimo!!! So, I'm borrowing this one from HGL's site, which made me LOL!!! A fireman was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a fireman's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fireman walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration. "Thanks" the girl replied. The fireman looked a little closer and noticed that the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner," the fireman said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster." The girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren." Ive got a friend in GA that sends them to me al the time. Some pretty damm funny ones. I love the girls nite out one I laugh every time I read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted February 11, 2008 Report Share Posted February 11, 2008 Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed . He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red w ith little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks: "Son... what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. "Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??" His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone bitch, I'm married!!" Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two Aspirin s $.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time...... PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dlinclimo Posted February 11, 2008 Report Share Posted February 11, 2008 Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed . He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red w ith little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks: "Son... what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. "Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??" His son replies, "Oh THAT!... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone bitch, I'm married!!" Broken Coffee Table $239.99 Hot Breakfast $4.20 Two Aspirin s $.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time...... PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thats funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stretch Posted February 11, 2008 Report Share Posted February 11, 2008 Thats funny agreed, I just sent it to my fav 25 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dlinclimo Posted February 11, 2008 Report Share Posted February 11, 2008 agreed, I just sent it to my fav 25A friend of mine has a teeshirt that says "Two ski masks $5 4 dozen eggs $3 2 tickets to a Britney Spears concert $65 Egging the shit out of americas pop queene priceless.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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