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Guest The Devils Advocate

Jesus H. Christ:

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Guest The Devils Advocate

About to turn 2,011, the all-knowing son of God reflects on his early days — and that whole Mel Gibson thing

 

Swarthier than you thought, right? I get that all the time.

 

Frequent? Are you kidding me? Okay, here's one ... and another one ... And there's a "Jesus Christo!" ... It's a lot of outcry. Off the hook, if you'll pardon the expression. It's a direct line.

 

We've become so rash all of a sudden. But I get it, I get it.

 

Yeah, 2010. I know. An earthquake, then hurricane after hurricane after hurricane, then the Tea Party, then Ohio State loses to Wisconsin. But here's the thing: I'm. Not. In. Charge.

 

It's just H. It doesn't stand for anything. Ulysses S. Grant was the same way.

 

Incidentally, when I'm having a hard time, I say, "Ulysses S. Grant!" I'm kidding, of course.

 

"Samuel L. Jackson!"

 

Those given the most credit are the ones who neither need it nor deserve it. Miley Cyrus thanking me for winning an MTV award, for instance — that was all you, sweetheart.

 

And Tony Romo. "God's plan"? Let me get this straight: God called a blitz package that a Cowboys guard didn't pick up, allowing a Giants linebacker to slam you into the turf, which fractured your clavicle, ending your season — that was part of God's plan? Here's a plan for Tony Romo: Check your Jesus complex, son.

 

Prosperity gospel? Please.

 

It's funny: On a philosophical level, I agree with Michael Pollan on pretty much everything. Personally, however, I find him an insufferable putz. Go figure.

 

They're all solid in their own ways: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and, I guess, John. But you should have heard me in the "Q Gospel." Never made it into the Bible. Lost to time. But it was like a "Jesus' Greatest Hits."

 

Mel. Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel.

 

Tax collectors. After all these years, they still get to me.

 

Shroud of Turin? Not me. The piece of toast, however ...

 

For the record, I wasn't a carpenter. I was a tekton. It's an old word for handyman. You need lots of stuff fixed, you call a tekton.

 

Never forget where you came from. I come from a small town in the country. Four hundred people tops. It shaped me.

 

A man should have a creed. And a mission. You have a creed and a mission, you'll be all right.

 

You want comfort? Look to the tunic.

 

The ones I like: Lord of Hosts, King of Kings, J. C., Lamb of God, Prince of Peace, Immanuel, Emmanuel, Sweet Jesus in Heaven, the Light of the World, the Bread of Life, the First and the Last, the Gate and the Way. But Jesus is fine. My friends call me Jesus.

 

I have no idea who the hosts are or why I'm lord of them.

 

Idiots have a way of killing themselves off. Most of the time you don't have to do it for them. I know it really doesn't seem like that right now.

 

The difference between love and sex? Pass.

 

It's either pre-Easter or post-Easter, if you know what I mean.

 

I've been ignoring the haters for years. I started that.

 

You become a man when you see the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove. At least that's how it happened for me.

 

Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with judgment you make, you will be judged. I'm reiterating, of course.

 

I'm here. I'm right here.

 

Can I get an Amen?

 

 

 

http://www.esquire.c...1#ixzz19eZncPqb

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Guest The Devils Advocate

Don't you think God has a great sense of humor? Look at the world we live in. The article was a joke, don't be offended.

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Guest mom

Anyone with a half of a brain knows that you don't make jokes about God. Where's your common sense, respect and piety?

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Guest The Devils Advocate

Anyone with a half of a brain knows that you don't make jokes about God. Where's your common sense, respect and piety?

 

Anyone with half a brain should know that there is no real evidence of a God. Enjoy your faith, but don't take it too seriously. And the joke didn't concern God, it was a humorous fictional interview with his Son.

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Don't you think God has a great sense of humor? Look at the world we live in. The article was a joke, don't be offended.

 

 

You sir are the joke. Please don't be offended.

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I found quite a bit of it more "God like" than the bible. I enjoyed it.

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Guest guest

There's been three times in my life I've exclaimed God has a sense of humor (and really meant it). I'll be darned if I can remember what was so amazing, I just remember the way I felt.

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Happy New Year Advocate...I'm sure God has the time and the inclination to read the BCVoice and judge your post...:rolleyes:

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Guest The Devils Advocate

You sir are the joke. Please don't be offended.

 

I've read your posts. You sir, have more to worry about than I do.

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Guest The Devils Advocate

Happy New Year Advocate...I'm sure God has the time and the inclination to read the BCVoice and judge your post...:rolleyes:

 

You would think He has nothing better to do.;)

 

And a Happy New Year to you too Bee.

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Guest Guest

Anyone with half a brain should know that there is no real evidence of a God. Enjoy your faith, but don't take it too seriously. And the joke didn't concern God, it was a humorous fictional interview with his Son.

 

One and the same if you follow Catholic teachings.

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Guest jimmy c

This post should be deleated and the user banned. Its very offensive and tasteless

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About to turn 2,011, the all-knowing son of God reflects on his early days — and that whole Mel Gibson thing

 

Swarthier than you thought, right? I get that all the time.

 

Frequent? Are you kidding me? Okay, here's one ... and another one ... And there's a "Jesus Christo!" ... It's a lot of outcry. Off the hook, if you'll pardon the expression. It's a direct line.

 

We've become so rash all of a sudden. But I get it, I get it.

 

Yeah, 2010. I know. An earthquake, then hurricane after hurricane after hurricane, then the Tea Party, then Ohio State loses to Wisconsin. But here's the thing: I'm. Not. In. Charge.

 

It's just H. It doesn't stand for anything. Ulysses S. Grant was the same way.

 

Incidentally, when I'm having a hard time, I say, "Ulysses S. Grant!" I'm kidding, of course.

 

"Samuel L. Jackson!"

 

Those given the most credit are the ones who neither need it nor deserve it. Miley Cyrus thanking me for winning an MTV award, for instance — that was all you, sweetheart.

 

And Tony Romo. "God's plan"? Let me get this straight: God called a blitz package that a Cowboys guard didn't pick up, allowing a Giants linebacker to slam you into the turf, which fractured your clavicle, ending your season — that was part of God's plan? Here's a plan for Tony Romo: Check your Jesus complex, son.

 

Prosperity gospel? Please.

 

It's funny: On a philosophical level, I agree with Michael Pollan on pretty much everything. Personally, however, I find him an insufferable putz. Go figure.

 

They're all solid in their own ways: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and, I guess, John. But you should have heard me in the "Q Gospel." Never made it into the Bible. Lost to time. But it was like a "Jesus' Greatest Hits."

 

Mel. Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel, Mel.

 

Tax collectors. After all these years, they still get to me.

 

Shroud of Turin? Not me. The piece of toast, however ...

 

For the record, I wasn't a carpenter. I was a tekton. It's an old word for handyman. You need lots of stuff fixed, you call a tekton.

 

Never forget where you came from. I come from a small town in the country. Four hundred people tops. It shaped me.

 

A man should have a creed. And a mission. You have a creed and a mission, you'll be all right.

 

You want comfort? Look to the tunic.

 

The ones I like: Lord of Hosts, King of Kings, J. C., Lamb of God, Prince of Peace, Immanuel, Emmanuel, Sweet Jesus in Heaven, the Light of the World, the Bread of Life, the First and the Last, the Gate and the Way. But Jesus is fine. My friends call me Jesus.

 

I have no idea who the hosts are or why I'm lord of them.

 

Idiots have a way of killing themselves off. Most of the time you don't have to do it for them. I know it really doesn't seem like that right now.

 

The difference between love and sex? Pass.

 

It's either pre-Easter or post-Easter, if you know what I mean.

 

I've been ignoring the haters for years. I started that.

 

You become a man when you see the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove. At least that's how it happened for me.

 

Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with judgment you make, you will be judged. I'm reiterating, of course.

 

I'm here. I'm right here.

 

Can I get an Amen?

 

 

 

http://www.esquire.c...1#ixzz19eZncPqb

I don't want to stand near you in a thunder storm. Wow, bad thread! Shouldn't mess with the Big Guy!

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Guest Guest

This post should be deleated and the user banned. Its very offensive and tasteless

 

OK grandpa. Now go finish your oatmeal and quit being grouchy to grandma.

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Guest Guest

This post should be deleated and the user banned. Its very offensive and tasteless

Do you still believe in Santa too? Grow up.

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Guest the Big Man Upstairs

My Son, I overlooked the lifestyle experiment you did in college ,but this is a little too much.Get down and give me five OF's and ten HM's.Oh and throw in a hundred pushups for good measure.Sinner

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Anyone with half a brain should know that there is no real evidence of a God. Enjoy your faith, but don't take it too seriously. And the joke didn't concern God, it was a humorous fictional interview with his Son.

 

 

But if you really knew about the religion...you would know that Jesus and God are one in the same so if you are talking to God you are talking to Jesus. One more thing.......if you are talking to God and Jesus...you are also talking to the Holy Spirit. I know it is mind messing but there is a scripture in the Bible that more or less states.......even the most intelligent will be confused. Incidentally, it is not just a Catholic thing.

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Guest Guest

Happy New Year Advocate...I'm sure God has the time and the inclination to read the BCVoice and judge your post...:rolleyes:

Now you know what God has time for. You are truly over bearing.

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