Guest AFC Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Pope Benedict XVI will make his first visit to the United States from April 15-20, stopping in Washington and New York. Read about preparations and expectations for the pope's arrival and his historic stops at St. Patrick's Cathedral, Ground Zero, St. Joseph's Seminary in Yonkers and Yankee Stadium. http://www.lohud.com/papalvisit Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AFC Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 This is as close to Jesus as anyone will ever get! All should worship him as much as they would Jesus, for according to scripture, they are really one and the same. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AFC Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 The Pope has announced he will change his name after admitting that his current title "Benedict XVI" just isn't "catchy enough to make an impression on the world stage". He now wishes to be addressed instead as "His Holiness Pope Jesus". The German born Pontiff revealed, "you wouldn't believe the amount of people I've heard calling me "Pope Ratzinger" or, worse still, "that new Pope... whats-his-face". One idiot, I forget who it was, called me "Pope Bernard". It's getting ridiculous. And it's not just lay people either, I've had Cardinals - yes cardinals - call me "Joseph". Obviously they still think of me as one of them. Well let me tell you, that's all going to change coz you're now talkin' to the new Pope Jesus". If he goes through with the name change, Joseph Ratzinger will make history on two counts. Firstly, he will he be the first acting Pontiff to change title during a papacy. Pope Francis III (served 1634-1645)changed his name to Pope John The Baptist but only after he was abdicated for stealing incense from the Vatican pantry (underneath the marble staircase). Perhaps more intriguingly, he will also become the first Pontiff to call himself after our Lord and Saviour although rumour has it Pope Pius IX was sorely tempted to do this after someone mistakenly enscribed "Pope Pius VIII" on a bronze sculpture of him. Apparently he was livid and had the engraver hung from the Sistine Chapel ceiling - a punishment fashionable for heretics to undergo at the time. The Pope has been explaining to curious Catholics why he chose the name of the son of God and founder of Chrisitianity and not some other name. "Why not? That's what I say. I mean, for me, Jesus Christ is probably the holiest man of all time... definitely top-five anyway... almost certainly top-three. I mean I know people talk about Moses with the tablet and the commandments and everything, but for me Jesus wins hands down every time. One question -did Moses die for our sins? Well.......? Enough said". Smiling to the point of giddiness, he went on, "Think of the instant respect I would gain from Christians the world over once I'm called Pope Jesus. I can't lose. I could have people coming up to me and saying "Excuse me Pope Jesus, can I kiss your feet?" I can't even remember the last time a stranger offered to even wash my feet let alone kiss them. This is going to be great". The Pope is also hopeful that having a title as holy as Jesus will shoot him straight to the top of Time Magazine's annual "World's Most Spiritual Spiritual Leader" list. The Dalai Lama topped this year's poll, ending the brilliant but recently deceased Pope John Paul II's six year reign at the "summit of Mt. Divinity". Needless to say, Pope Jesus will be keen to bring the title back to the Vatican. And with a name like Pope Jesus who'd bet against him? "And to think there were 15 other idiots before me who chose the same name. God what were they thinking? What the hell was I thinking?" With the mounting challenge of "weird outsider" religions such as Islam and Buddhism and the continuing strength of orthodox forms of Christianity, the Pope is hopeful that young people will "turn their heads towards the words of Jesus, i.e me". "You may bet there will be a lot of Protestants converting to Catholicism in the forthcoming year. The Archbishop of Canterbury doesn't sound so hot when you put it beside Pope Jesus...ooohhh yeah. He might consider changing his title too." Despite wallowing in his own ingeniousness for choosing this new name, his Holiness concedes he is at a "complete loss" to explain why he chose a crappy name like Benedict XVI in the first place. He said, "actually the more I think about it the more I think what a ridiculous name Pope Benedict XVI is. God knows what I was smoking when I chose that. I mean Benedict for Christ's sake! Benedict! Who the hell was Benedict!? Probably the Patron Saint of some crappy country like, I don't know, Zambia or something. And to think there were 15 other idiots before me who chose the same name. God what were they thinking? What the hell was I thinking?" Critics have called into question the appropriateness of the Pontiff's decision coming more than 9 months into his tenure in the Vatican hotseat. They argue that the Roman Catholic Church has been "clearly rocked" by widespread indifference to the Pope's first encyclical published this week. In it in, he uses obscure Greek phrases like "Eros", son of Aphrodite, instead of using more popular terms like "sex" or "Not Allowed". They speculate that this in part has prompted such desperate action - namely this name change". Renowned British theologian, Gregory Bishop-To- G4, revealed misgivings about the Pope's plan. The above is a Parody - It's not for real! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmower71 Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 who the F!!! cares Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AFC Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 who the F!!! cares Wait til the Real AFC returns!!!! "That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil-this is the gift of God." Ecclesiastes 3:13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmower71 Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 hmmmmmmmmm finally they took him away rapped up in white coat and all ... dont think well be seeing him anytime soon thank the lord !!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AFC Posted March 16, 2008 Report Share Posted March 16, 2008 INSIDE A CATHOLIC CONFESSIONAL What goes on when a Catholic "goes to Confession" (now called "Reconciliation"). Although I disagree with the need to confess to clergy (rather than directly to God, as Protestants do) or the need to do "penance" (Jesus' sacrifice paid our entire sin debt), I want to make it clear that devout Catholics do repent when they "go to Confession" and they repent to God. The Bible says that if we confess our sins and repent God is faithful to forgive them. Confession is normally in a small enclosed darkened booth, with a screen between the priest and the person making the confession; they cannot see each others' faces. Confession can be done face to face, but that is not common. The confessor kneels in front of the screen, makes 'the sign of the Cross', reciting "In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit ..." and then begins: "Bless me, Father [referring to the priest, not God the Father], for I have sinned. It has been <length of time> since my last Confession and these are my sins:" The person then describes all sins he can remember that he has committed since his last Confession. After that, the priest asks the person if he is truly sorry for his sins, repents of his sins, and intends to try to lead a new life. The person replies that he does. The priest tells him what to do for penance. Usually, this involves saying the Lord's Prayer (generally called the "Our Father" by Catholics) several times and/or saying Hail Mary's (a prayer to Mary, Jesus' mother) several times. The priest then 'gives absolution', telling the person "Your sins are forgiven" and something along the lines of "Okay, let's have a good Act of Contrition." At that point, the priest prays for the confessor and the confessor recites the following prayer: ACT OF CONTRITION (Catholic prayer at end of Confession/Reconciliation) "Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because I dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell, but most of all, because they offend Thee, my God, Who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of Thy grace to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen." Many Catholics develop an attitude that Confession is sort of like a "gas station". They can confess, get their sins forgiven, and then go right out and do the same things again -- "No problem, I'll just go to Confession next week." This is not what the Catholic Church teaches! This is one of the many areas where Protestants and Catholics do agree: repent means you are truly sorry and sincerely intend to try not to sin. Note: Under Catholic church law a Roman Catholic priest can refuse to forgive sins if he thinks the person is not sincere. In some cases he is required to refuse, e.g., where the person uses birth control and states that s/he intends to continue doing so. It is important to realize that in Catholic theology penance is a sacrament, not confession. In Catholic theology doing the penance is what 'absolves' a person of sin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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