Guest OP Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 I guess I dont get it. Why would you even consider starting anything with another person if you are already in a relationship? No, I am not judging you so please dont think that, just wondering is all. Second, I dont agree with the "stay together for the children" thing. They can sense that their parents dont have a "normal" relationship and that can be hard on them. Dont you think that they would rather see both of their parents happy than staying together and being unhappy? I came from divorced parents and I turned out just fine. I personally am glad they did not stay together because they are happier now. Happy parents = happy children. A stressful or barely there parental relationship can be hard on children. It is unfortunate that I am in this situation, but the fact is I am. I have tried the seperation approach and saw major attitude changes in my children (more than the sense of something being wrong). This is the reason for my decision and my #1 concern is my children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Road Warrior Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 I am in a situation where I had to break off a relationship with someone that I really care about but cannot be with because of other obligations. I am heart broken and can't shake this shitty feeling. What can I do to feel better about doing the right thing? I FEEL SAD FOR YOU. TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS BUT THE SCARS ARE A REMINDER OF THE AFFAIRS OF THE HEART. I AM SURE YOU'LL MOVE ON ALTHOUGH IN THE BACK OF YOUR MIND YOU'LL WONDER WHAT IF. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 It is unfortunate that I am in this situation, but the fact is I am. I have tried the seperation approach and saw major attitude changes in my children (more than the sense of something being wrong). This is the reason for my decision and my #1 concern is my children. Well, I certainly do give you a lot of credit and think you are a wonderful parent. You do deserve to be happy though and I hope that someday soon you will be able to. @ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Been There Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 You are missing the point (I am a bit reluctant to tell the whole story) It isn't that the person I care about can't or won't accept my child, it is that I am in a relationship with the other parent that I am keeping together because of the children. I have met someone that I really click with and because of the children I am not able to explore that relationship. Ok. So you are married to your kids mom. Way back when, when you were young, you two were in love, got married, had babies, the so called American Dream. Then life happened. It wasnt like it was in college. You got older. The passion and excitement and new-ness of your relationship got less glamorous. There were bills, responsibilities, jobs. Your view on raising kids was different than hers. You matured at different rates. You have had highs and lows and everything in between. And now here you are. In a marriage based on family and children and many years together but it feels.....loveless. Its not loveless. But I know how you feel. Ive been there. I know how that feels. To look at this person and say, the very sound of her voice makes me sick sometimes. I see her caller id and think oh my god what now? I dread going home. It isnt a haven. There is stress there. But----take a step back. Be honest. Because the other woman you are with right now, well I mean the person youve just broken up with, isnt your first one. She isnt the first woman youve been with during your marriage. Think long and hard about this. And what you have done, what you have given away to other women instead of your wife, is the reason you are where you are. Your wife knows you better than anyone. She knows how it feels when you are her partner and only hers. She knows how you act, how you respond, your patterns. And though she may never have had the guts to confront you, this is a small community and people talk. She knows when you are cheating. Pair that with what she knows about you, she knows youve had an affair. She stays with you because she loves you. Because you dont hit her, youre good to her family, youre a good dad and she doesnt want to be alone or to start over. There is nothing bad enough about you to kick you out. But, she is hurt and hurt builds to anger and resentment especially because she doesnt confront you. And it makes her cold towards you. She lets it build up, its dishonest because she doesnt tell you, and what youre doing is dishonest because you lie about where you are and what youre doing and with whom and that breaks down your relationship. When you give the best of you to someone new, you take away the best you have from your marriage and that makes your marriage even worse. When youre hating her for nagging you about the dry cleaning and shes hurt by you because you blow her off, and something happens with one of your kids requiring discipline, and youre not united and you take the kids side and she doesnt then it makes things worse. You dont agree on what has to be done or how. So that adds yet another rift. The other woman if she was in your life full time like your wife, would inherit all of the hard bad boring mundane parts of you and your life. Cooking cleaning shopping billpaying and dealing with your kids who she does not love as much as you or wife do because they arent hers. She will grow resentful of the time you have to spend on your kids and the money and the relationship will end up exactly where you are now with your wife. Only 10 times worse. Because you wont have your beautiful house, you wont have your kids everyday, youll lose a huge chunk of your salary to child support, and, you will lose her family which has become yours. Hear me: What you have with the other woman is wonderful loving perfect because it isnt real life. It isnt real. Hear me: There is no one who knows you and loves you the way your wife does, even if sometimes you may think you dont like the way she does it or wish it were more exciting. If you stopped and made a pact with yourself that you were going to try for one entire year, no other women, cut back on all excesses & indulgences unless they involve your wife, I bet you that you will find out, that you and your behavior with cheating and the guilt and anger and frustration over doing it has been the number one culprit in the breakdown of your marriage and life. And when you stop, shift the focus back on you and your wife and make being a couple with her as exciting as it is with this other woman, you will have it all. Do it. one step at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. You will be amazed. I give you credit for ending for something with someone you cared about. Im sure she is upset. She will get over it. Youre not that exciting. Youre average. You do things that every other guy in the world does and soon if the other woman was yours all the time she would be like ohhhh hmmmm this was more fun before. If shes been with you a married guy she doesnt have that high a standard, she'll move on. As for you ending the affair: it says alot about you. It says deep down, you are a family man, a man who loves his wife and kids. Youre a good man. Give that good 100% of it to your wife and marriage. Hang out with other happily married couples. Change what you do. Include her. Have fun with her. If your wife and marriage were that bad youd have already gone. Or she wouldve. Dont beat yourself up for having cheated. Just take pride that you stopped, and decide right now to renew your commitment to making it loving and good for you and your wife and not just your kids. @ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Just Lookin Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 Ok. So you are married to your kids mom. Way back when, when you were young, you two were in love, got married, had babies, the so called American Dream. Then life happened. It wasnt like it was in college. You got older. The passion and excitement and new-ness of your relationship got less glamorous. There were bills, responsibilities, jobs. Your view on raising kids was different than hers. You matured at different rates. You have had highs and lows and everything in between. And now here you are. In a marriage based on family and children and many years together but it feels.....loveless. Its not loveless. But I know how you feel. Ive been there. I know how that feels. To look at this person and say, the very sound of her voice makes me sick sometimes. I see her caller id and think oh my god what now? I dread going home. It isnt a haven. There is stress there. But----take a step back. Be honest. Because the other woman you are with right now, well I mean the person youve just broken up with, isnt your first one. She isnt the first woman youve been with during your marriage. Think long and hard about this. And what you have done, what you have given away to other women instead of your wife, is the reason you are where you are. Your wife knows you better than anyone. She knows how it feels when you are her partner and only hers. She knows how you act, how you respond, your patterns. And though she may never have had the guts to confront you, this is a small community and people talk. She knows when you are cheating. Pair that with what she knows about you, she knows youve had an affair. She stays with you because she loves you. Because you dont hit her, youre good to her family, youre a good dad and she doesnt want to be alone or to start over. There is nothing bad enough about you to kick you out. But, she is hurt and hurt builds to anger and resentment especially because she doesnt confront you. And it makes her cold towards you. She lets it build up, its dishonest because she doesnt tell you, and what youre doing is dishonest because you lie about where you are and what youre doing and with whom and that breaks down your relationship. When you give the best of you to someone new, you take away the best you have from your marriage and that makes your marriage even worse. When youre hating her for nagging you about the dry cleaning and shes hurt by you because you blow her off, and something happens with one of your kids requiring discipline, and youre not united and you take the kids side and she doesnt then it makes things worse. You dont agree on what has to be done or how. So that adds yet another rift. The other woman if she was in your life full time like your wife, would inherit all of the hard bad boring mundane parts of you and your life. Cooking cleaning shopping billpaying and dealing with your kids who she does not love as much as you or wife do because they arent hers. She will grow resentful of the time you have to spend on your kids and the money and the relationship will end up exactly where you are now with your wife. Only 10 times worse. Because you wont have your beautiful house, you wont have your kids everyday, youll lose a huge chunk of your salary to child support, and, you will lose her family which has become yours. Hear me: What you have with the other woman is wonderful loving perfect because it isnt real life. It isnt real. Hear me: There is no one who knows you and loves you the way your wife does, even if sometimes you may think you dont like the way she does it or wish it were more exciting. If you stopped and made a pact with yourself that you were going to try for one entire year, no other women, cut back on all excesses & indulgences unless they involve your wife, I bet you that you will find out, that you and your behavior with cheating and the guilt and anger and frustration over doing it has been the number one culprit in the breakdown of your marriage and life. And when you stop, shift the focus back on you and your wife and make being a couple with her as exciting as it is with this other woman, you will have it all. Do it. one step at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. You will be amazed. I give you credit for ending for something with someone you cared about. Im sure she is upset. She will get over it. Youre not that exciting. Youre average. You do things that every other guy in the world does and soon if the other woman was yours all the time she would be like ohhhh hmmmm this was more fun before. If shes been with you a married guy she doesnt have that high a standard, she'll move on. As for you ending the affair: it says alot about you. It says deep down, you are a family man, a man who loves his wife and kids. Youre a good man. Give that good 100% of it to your wife and marriage. Hang out with other happily married couples. Change what you do. Include her. Have fun with her. If your wife and marriage were that bad youd have already gone. Or she wouldve. Dont beat yourself up for having cheated. Just take pride that you stopped, and decide right now to renew your commitment to making it loving and good for you and your wife and not just your kids. @ WOW thats one heck of a post. I think its also one of the smartest ones I've read in a long time too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy the Kid Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 Ok. So you are married to your kids mom. Way back when, when you were young, you two were in love, got married, had babies, the so called American Dream. Then life happened. It wasnt like it was in college. You got older. The passion and excitement and new-ness of your relationship got less glamorous. There were bills, responsibilities, jobs. Your view on raising kids was different than hers. You matured at different rates. You have had highs and lows and everything in between. And now here you are. In a marriage based on family and children and many years together but it feels.....loveless. Its not loveless. But I know how you feel. Ive been there. I know how that feels. To look at this person and say, the very sound of her voice makes me sick sometimes. I see her caller id and think oh my god what now? I dread going home. It isnt a haven. There is stress there. But----take a step back. Be honest. Because the other woman you are with right now, well I mean the person youve just broken up with, isnt your first one. She isnt the first woman youve been with during your marriage. Think long and hard about this. And what you have done, what you have given away to other women instead of your wife, is the reason you are where you are. Your wife knows you better than anyone. She knows how it feels when you are her partner and only hers. She knows how you act, how you respond, your patterns. And though she may never have had the guts to confront you, this is a small community and people talk. She knows when you are cheating. Pair that with what she knows about you, she knows youve had an affair. She stays with you because she loves you. Because you dont hit her, youre good to her family, youre a good dad and she doesnt want to be alone or to start over. There is nothing bad enough about you to kick you out. But, she is hurt and hurt builds to anger and resentment especially because she doesnt confront you. And it makes her cold towards you. She lets it build up, its dishonest because she doesnt tell you, and what youre doing is dishonest because you lie about where you are and what youre doing and with whom and that breaks down your relationship. When you give the best of you to someone new, you take away the best you have from your marriage and that makes your marriage even worse. When youre hating her for nagging you about the dry cleaning and shes hurt by you because you blow her off, and something happens with one of your kids requiring discipline, and youre not united and you take the kids side and she doesnt then it makes things worse. You dont agree on what has to be done or how. So that adds yet another rift. The other woman if she was in your life full time like your wife, would inherit all of the hard bad boring mundane parts of you and your life. Cooking cleaning shopping billpaying and dealing with your kids who she does not love as much as you or wife do because they arent hers. She will grow resentful of the time you have to spend on your kids and the money and the relationship will end up exactly where you are now with your wife. Only 10 times worse. Because you wont have your beautiful house, you wont have your kids everyday, youll lose a huge chunk of your salary to child support, and, you will lose her family which has become yours. Hear me: What you have with the other woman is wonderful loving perfect because it isnt real life. It isnt real. Hear me: There is no one who knows you and loves you the way your wife does, even if sometimes you may think you dont like the way she does it or wish it were more exciting. If you stopped and made a pact with yourself that you were going to try for one entire year, no other women, cut back on all excesses & indulgences unless they involve your wife, I bet you that you will find out, that you and your behavior with cheating and the guilt and anger and frustration over doing it has been the number one culprit in the breakdown of your marriage and life. And when you stop, shift the focus back on you and your wife and make being a couple with her as exciting as it is with this other woman, you will have it all. Do it. one step at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. You will be amazed. I give you credit for ending for something with someone you cared about. Im sure she is upset. She will get over it. Youre not that exciting. Youre average. You do things that every other guy in the world does and soon if the other woman was yours all the time she would be like ohhhh hmmmm this was more fun before. If shes been with you a married guy she doesnt have that high a standard, she'll move on. As for you ending the affair: it says alot about you. It says deep down, you are a family man, a man who loves his wife and kids. Youre a good man. Give that good 100% of it to your wife and marriage. Hang out with other happily married couples. Change what you do. Include her. Have fun with her. If your wife and marriage were that bad youd have already gone. Or she wouldve. Dont beat yourself up for having cheated. Just take pride that you stopped, and decide right now to renew your commitment to making it loving and good for you and your wife and not just your kids Indeed! Kudos to you, I am impressed in your response! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Just Lookin Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 Indeed! Kudos to you, I am impressed in your response! Geez, thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billy the Kid Posted March 25, 2008 Report Share Posted March 25, 2008 Geez, thanks. Not you Dopey, the one that you responded to! @ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Been There Posted March 26, 2008 Report Share Posted March 26, 2008 Not you Dopey, the one that you responded to! @ Thank you both! @ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted March 26, 2008 Report Share Posted March 26, 2008 I am in a situation where I had to break off a relationship with someone that I really care about but cannot be with because of other obligations. I am heart broken and can't shake this shitty feeling. What can I do to feel better about doing the right thing? Ever been to Vegas? Know what the modo is for Vegas? Go there and do your thing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest slowpoke Posted March 26, 2008 Report Share Posted March 26, 2008 Ever been to Vegas? Know what the modo is for Vegas? Go there and do your thing Anybody know what a "modo" is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Been There Posted March 26, 2008 Report Share Posted March 26, 2008 Anybody know what a "modo" is? assuming he meant motto but didnt know how to spell it. @ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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