Parents What would you do if

[Guest Guest]

To say your kid can't get credit is crazy. They practically throw credit cards at you in college. College students are prime targets for credit companies. I know they set a table up in the lounge of our campus one year and by the end of the week everyone I knew had a shiny new discover card.

 

If he's older than 20, I say cancel the service and make him find his own way. He's only going to turn out like your typical entitled lazy Broome County male if you enable him any further.

 

Tell him if he wants to keep the phone it's his responsibility and that you heard McDonalds is hiring.

now you are one great parent, or are you a kid that has parents liker the OP? either way, you suck

[Guest Guest]

I disagree and he has valid points. This isn't a way for married people to live. I do it so I have some control over how the money I earn is spent. Especially in light of the fact that I disagree with the way he "gives" his kids what they want. He is not willing to discuss with me what he spends and how he spends it. He claims he earns it and can spend it any way he wants. Since he is very responsible and has always paid his bills on time I cant argue with that but that doesn't mean I have to contribute to expenses that I disagree with. I dont do it for my kids why should I for his? The cell phone is the least of the problem Try cars, credit cards...

Say what you want its about control and the willingness to have discussions on how the money is spent.

to this day, each of my three kids carry an american express card that is paid by me. they know it is for emergencies and no, they do not have to ask permission to use it first. that is why they carry it. in the event that something unplanned happens. it makes me feel good for them to have it. perhaps i am different than most parents, buy thankfully, i can afford it and why should they have to struggle when they are going to get it sooner or later.

[Guest Guest]

now you are one great parent, or are you a kid that has parents liker the OP? either way, you suck

Thanks. My kids are responsible for EARNING their way.

[Guest Guest]

to answer your question, no, i am a real father. if your kids are working, fine. they should pay their own bill. you have stated that the kid is NOT woirking, so you help him. it is just that simple. up until this year, i was paying my oldest girl's car insurance. why? because she needed the help- and my middle girl did not. i compensated her in other ways. you help them as long as you can with whatever you can. tha is called being a parent. it comes with the territory. and this permission stuff that you seem to be so hung up on. do you really think that your husand and his son did not speak about this first? if so, you are a fool. your husband is takling the easy way out rather than to come clean. and after listening to you, i can see why. why not try to make friends with his son. in your husband's eyes you would be so much a better person for it. and no, i have never been divorsed. same woman for 33 years and still in love. and love my kids, too. lady, it's only money. get over it already.

 

There is a huge difference between helping someone out and enabling them.He graduated 10 months ago. He has worked under the table doing odd jobs since last May. He has money. Somehow he manages to come up with money when he wants to go out of town for a concert or to take a vacation. He out almost every week-end. He lives with his mother. Are you telling me he cant spend 65 a month for a cell phone. Thats 2.50 a day. I guarantee you he spends more than that pot, booze, and junk food.

No doubt about it you are a better person than I am because I wouldnt pay my kids bills while they laid around and partied I work too hard for my money. PS His father not only pays his car insurance he gave him the car! WTF Its only money

[Guest Ex-Stepmother]

I knew I shouldn't read this topic. It has brought back a lot of bad memories. As a former stepmother -- wicked, wicked stepmother -- I can attest to the emotion it brings out in you. We sound selfish when we complain, or, worse, sound jealous of the attention the child gets from his Dad. I'm sure it happens somtimes in non-stepfamilies, too. The only difference is, no one judges you.

 

I'm glad I had the experience, if only to have more compassion to those (and there are a lot of you) who are currently going through it. I don't plan to check on any replies to my comments -- what's the point? -- but I just want the initiator of this thread to know a lot of women understand what you are dealing with.

 

God knows there are situations where it works out perfectly and everything is wonderful. But, I always wonder what the percentages are. If all is well, it could be because the extended family supports your presence. A lot of time, there are people related to the ex or the deceased wife who just cannot accept you as the mother figure in your own house.

 

Let me add that my husband and I are happily married; the kids have left the nest. I wonder if they'll ever get into a stepfamily of their own making and possibly understand the complexities of it.

 

So, Stepmom, if you were the biological parent, you wouldn't have a problem. You just have to wear kid gloves when you are dealing with someone else's kids. Don't worry, it will probably get better once this boy graduates, gets married, has kids, and moves to the big city.

[Guest Guest]

to this day, each of my three kids carry an american express card that is paid by me. they know it is for emergencies and no, they do not have to ask permission to use it first. that is why they carry it. in the event that something unplanned happens. it makes me feel good for them to have it. perhaps i am different than most parents, buy thankfully, i can afford it and why should they have to struggle when they are going to get it sooner or later.

 

They have one of those too. He too was told to use the card for emergencies I didnt have a problem with that until the statement showed up at Christmas His emergency was to get his girlfriend a plane ticket for Christmas so she could come to visit him while she was on break ( He was out of the country)

[Guest Guest]

I knew I shouldn't read this topic. It has brought back a lot of bad memories. As a former stepmother -- wicked, wicked stepmother -- I can attest to the emotion it brings out in you. We sound selfish when we complain, or, worse, sound jealous of the attention the child gets from his Dad. I'm sure it happens somtimes in non-stepfamilies, too. The only difference is, no one judges you.

 

I'm glad I had the experience, if only to have more compassion to those (and there are a lot of you) who are currently going through it. I don't plan to check on any replies to my comments -- what's the point? -- but I just want the initiator of this thread to know a lot of women understand what you are dealing with.

 

God knows there are situations where it works out perfectly and everything is wonderful. But, I always wonder what the percentages are. If all is well, it could be because the extended family supports your presence. A lot of time, there are people related to the ex or the deceased wife who just cannot accept you as the mother figure in your own house.

 

Let me add that my husband and I are happily married; the kids have left the nest. I wonder if they'll ever get into a stepfamily of their own making and possibly understand the complexities of it.

 

So, Stepmom, if you were the biological parent, you wouldn't have a problem. You just have to wear kid gloves when you are dealing with someone else's kids. Don't worry, it will probably get better once this boy graduates, gets married, has kids, and moves to the big city.

You said you wouldn't check the comments. Heres hoping you do. Thank You.

I know I am not the only person to go through this I had a stepfather He loved us like we were his but he never treated us the same. There were 2 sets of rules in our house My mother raised us and she did a great job. The difference between the 2 families as adults is amazing I was raised with ethics, morals, and values. I was taught to respect other people. That is how I raised my kids. It is frustrating after all those years of hard work and doing the right thing to be deaf,dumb and blind to someone else's kids who are the total opposite Maybe they werent raised that way but is it too late to teach them consideration and compassion as adults? Maybe they were brainwashed by their vindictive mother as children but cant they use all that education to make informed decisions now? I love my husband and I expect him to help out if his kids need something. But I don't expect them to take advantage of his kindness They play one side against the other and have for 20+ years. This marriage has been over (maybe it never was) because of the kids. some families cant survive stepchildren I refuse to lower my standards and ignore right from wrong because of spoiled kids They will always be his kids They will always be inconsiderate and disrespectful How do you ignore that?

[Guest Guest]

You said you wouldn't check the comments. Heres hoping you do. Thank You.

I know I am not the only person to go through this I had a stepfather He loved us like we were his but he never treated us the same. There were always 2 sets of rules in our house My mother raised us and she did a great job. The difference between the 2 families as adults is amazing I was raised with ethics, morals, and values. I was taught to respect other people. She did not buy our love and we love and respect her to this day for all she did for us. As a single parent I raised my kids with those same values. It is frustrating after all those years of hard work and doing the right thing to be deaf,dumb and blind to someone else's kids who are the total opposite. Maybe the step kids weren't raised that way but is it too late to teach them consideration and compassion as adults? Maybe they were brainwashed by their vindictive mother as children but cant they use all that education to make informed decisions now? I love my husband and I expect him to help out if his kids need something. But I don't expect them to take advantage of his kindness They play one side against the other and have for 20+ years. This marriage has been over (maybe it never was) because of the kids. Some families cant survive stepchildren. I refuse to lower my standards and ignore right from wrong because of spoiled kids. They will always be his kids. They will always be inconsiderate and disrespectful How do you ignore that? We have been together 20 years The kids should be gone and we should be able to enjoy our lives Its too bad you have to wish your kids away just to have some peace in your life. I couldnt live without my children being a part of my life everyday

 

[Guest Guest]

Thanks. My kids are responsible for EARNING their way.

 

AMEN

 

[Continuity Czar]

I guess I was too liberal when I spoke. He does not give me anything I want. I have used his credit cards WITH PERMISSION but I pay for what ever the charges are. He takes care of the house and I take care of all of my own bills I make my car payments,pay for repairs,pay my own medical bills and credit card bills,groceries and household furnishings.. Did you miss the part where I said WE (him & I ) are on a family share plan that I pay for.

 

This doesn't sound like a marriage, it sounds like a financial arraingement with "benefits". "his bills" "my bills" "I pay for..."

 

You are supposed to be a partnership. Stop worrying about what is yours and his and consider it all "yours together".

 

 

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[Guest Guest]

Who are any of you to say what works for someone else?? If they have been together for 20 years, then obviously how they manage THEIR finances is up to them. Being together for 20 yrs is a track record in today's society. I can't really believe that there are so many sticking up for a young man, who GRADUATED 10 months ago! Hello. I am I the only one listening?? It sounds as if his father has over compensated for a broken home and being that I came from one myself, I can tell you that does NOT build self reliance or responsibility. It only teaches you to continue to live off of your parents. Needing money from family should mean in times of dire straits, not because you want to talk to your friends all day. If this were my son there is no way I would support a non-necessity in life. He need to get a job...period. And pay for his own. She's right, if he can party, go to concerts, etc. he can earn his own. He's graduated. It's time for the real world.

[Tazz]

 

 

 

Wonderfully stated. However, since they do not have combined monies paying for this, Dad is the one who must come to the conclusion that this child needs to sink or swim. A helping hand is one thing but a handout is something that will only get worse as time goes on. This is a handout.

[Guest local]

Sorry, but if you've been married for 33 years, you are too old to have an opinion worth considering.

 

That is really an obnoxious thing to say. Many people get married at 18 or 20 and last 33 years without being incredibly old. Anyone should be able to post an opinion without being insulted.

[Continuity Czar]

Who are any of you to say what works for someone else?? If they have been together for 20 years, then obviously how they manage THEIR finances is up to them. Being together for 20 yrs is a track record in today's society. I can't really believe that there are so many sticking up for a young man, who GRADUATED 10 months ago! Hello. I am I the only one listening?? It sounds as if his father has over compensated for a broken home and being that I came from one myself, I can tell you that does NOT build self reliance or responsibility. It only teaches you to continue to live off of your parents. Needing money from family should mean in times of dire straits, not because you want to talk to your friends all day. If this were my son there is no way I would support a non-necessity in life. He need to get a job...period. And pay for his own. She's right, if he can party, go to concerts, etc. he can earn his own. He's graduated. It's time for the real world.

 

We are people responding to the OP. If she didn't want people butting in and taking sides, then she shouldn't have posted on a public board where anyone can post without signing in or even bothering to think up a catchy temporary screen name.

 

 

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[Guest Guest]

Read more post less moron. I have worked for the State for the last 10 years. I make good money and in case you missed it pay my own bills

 

A gold digger living off my taxes.GREAT

 

ps,your welcome

[Guest Guest]

I just cannot even believe no one picked up on her comment:

He takes care of the house

She is DELETED about a $50/month phone bill for his CHILD who is all of 22 years old and probably has ridiculous college loans to pay back while SHE lives freakin' rent free???????????? Oh, yeah, I forgot, SHE pays for her own bills AND the GROCERIES for BOTH OF THEM....WOW, I'm impressed.

Obviously what is hers is hers and what is his she THINKS should be hers as well.....since their money is seperate, what possible business is it of hers what HE does with HIS money.....

Her anger and dislike of her stepson comes through clearly throughout her post. I know women like her - they resent every cent that is spent on their stepchildren. She, no doubt, makes the old man's life a misery anytime he does anything for or with the kid. I bet he hates her guts for that - and it is understandable. What a guttersnipe she shows herself to be.

We can only hope the old man leaves the house to his kid when he kicks and she gets her sorry can kicked to the curb the day of the funeral.

And my husband and I have children, the oldest one is grown and quite self sufficent.....and no step kids.

[Guest Guest]

No worries she will sucker in another victim and sap him for everything

 

 

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[Guest Guest]

I believe that you should expect the same respect from children (all children, step and otherwise) that you show them. This covers chores, finances, etc.

 

It seems that the son illegally got service because he doesn't care about rules. It is your money, your house, your rules. You decide what gift you give to others- they should not decide what to take from you.

[Guest Guest]

So youre saying it is OK to make a contract and make someone else responsible for the bill without their permission? And if we were married you wouldnt have a problem if I were to go out and drew up a contract that makes you financially responsible for my spending? I'd like a mercedes would it be ok with you if I went and singed an agreement using your name and credit to get it?

 

I asked for mature responses. I cant imagine any responsible person acting this way and thinking it is unacceptable. How do you teach your children right from wrong? These types of kids are usually the one who do end up robbing and stealing from their parents It starts because their parents are afraid to say no and the kid is used to getting what he wants when he wants. They usually start pushing them around when they cant have what they want This is typical of childen these days They think we owe them, that they can have, and take, what they want, when they want ,and that it is OK

 

I do not consider this kid a stepchild. Stepchildren should be treated as your own I have children of my own and they were not raised this way I will not accept responsibility for his inconsiderate rude,selfish, behavior. He is not a little kid he is supposidly a young adult. Helping out is one thing - but if he is not working than does he really need a cell phone?The least he could have done is changed the billing address to his address and paid for the bill himself.

 

 

Your not looking for mature responses you are looking for someone to agree with you. Every post you have written is all about you. I pay this, I do that, MY kids are perfect, I, I, I, I, it all about YOU isnt it princess.

Maybe Dad gave the son the phone and continued the contract because it is the only way they can communicate without you. Bileive it or not sweetie, the world does go on without you.

[Guest Guest]

When my stepson started college 3 years ago my husband got him a cell phone for his birthday and added him to HIS 2 year contract. (Nextel/Sprint) Because the contract ended and his son was still in school they continued to use the phones and just pay for what they were using. The son graduated in May of 2007.

In Sept 2007 I added my husband to my plan (Verizon ) and changed the agreement to a family share plan. Although my husband isnt using Sprint any longer his son is. He is still paying for his sons cell phone bill. It has been 10 months since he graduated. Since he isnt working he cant get credit and put the phone or bill in his own name. My husband told me he was NOT going to renew the contract but talked about the possibility of co-signing for the credit so his son so he could get a new phone and a new 2 year agreement in his own name.

His son wanted a new phone and was told that to keep the number and service he would have to renew the contract for 2 more years. So he did. His father claims he didn't know about this until he got a statement in the mail and a bill thanking him for his contract renewal.

Any time I have ever had a conversation with Sprint they have asked to speak to my husband. How in the hell can someone go into a store purchase equipment and sign a contract in someone else's name? I am sure there are legal ramifications to this on both Sprint and his sons part, but that is pretty drastic. I am wondering how any other parent would react to their child (who does not live with you) if they did this to you? Besides a real azz chewing, I would pay the 175 to cancel the phone My husband said that would end up costing him more money to do. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it would be cheaper to pay the 175 a cancellation instaed of the 65 plus taxes a month for the next 2 years. It also doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out what really is going on here. He says I am an idiot,iggnorant and immature to make a big deal of this What he did was against the law. He did it without permission I think it takes a lot of nerve and cannot imagine anyone thinking they have the right to do this. My husband gives me anything I ask for. I have even charged things to his credit card but asked first and payed the bill. I am married to the man we have been together for 20 years and I wouldnt dream of doing this Are all kids balls this brassy?

 

It appears to me that the problem is much bigger than this particular issue. It's a lack of communication with your husband. You barfed a whole load of crap about a cell phone problem on BCVOICE, when it could have been resolved in some way by talking to your husband in an open way.

 

 

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[Guest Guest]

Your not looking for mature responses you are looking for someone to agree with you. Every post you have written is all about you. I pay this, I do that, MY kids are perfect, I, I, I, I, it all about YOU isnt it princess.

Maybe Dad gave the son the phone and continued the contract because it is the only way they can communicate without you. Bileive it or not sweetie, the world does go on without you.

 

If youll notice the original post said nothing about our financial situation,about my kids, my money, or anything to do with me,me,me. Trust me when I say that I am the furthest thing from being a princess. That all came about after I was accused of wanting everything for myself and being a gold digger.I was asked how I would react of the situation was reversed -I answered a question. I know who I am and what I am. How I come across to you or anybody else doesnt mean squat. Your assumptions couldnt be further from the truth. You only know what you are reading here, there is no way you could possibly know the whole story. If I didnt expect to take crap or have people disagree with me I wouldnt have put this out there. When I started it the post I asked a simple question how would a parent handle the situation and doesnt anyone else see this behavior as a problem. Finances really have nothing to do with this situation. Its about a childs behavior. It shouldnt matter weither we are dirt poor,millionares, stepparents,or biological parents I was asking an opinion on the childs behavior and weither others think what he did was acceptable.

 

[Guest Guest]

If youll notice the original post said nothing about our financial situation,about my kids, my money, or anything to do with me,me,me. Trust me when I say that I am the furthest thing from being a princess. That all came about after I was accused of wanting everything for myself and being a gold digger.I was asked how I would react of the situation was reversed -I answered a question. I know who I am and what I am. How I come across to you or anybody else doesnt mean squat. Your assumptions couldnt be further from the truth. You only know what you are reading here, there is no way you could possibly know the whole story. If I didnt expect to take crap or have people disagree with me I wouldnt have put this out there. When I started it the post I asked a simple question how would a parent handle the situation and doesnt anyone else see this behavior as a problem. Finances really have nothing to do with this situation. Its about a childs behavior. It shouldnt matter weither we are dirt poor,millionares, stepparents,or biological parents I was asking an opinion on the childs behavior and weither others think what he did was acceptable.

 

 

It is your husbands child he raised him that way and obviously does not have a problem with it so neither should you since it is not your child to begin with and you really don't have a say in the matter.

[Guest Guest]

I just cannot even believe no one picked up on her comment:

She is DELETED about a $50/month phone bill for his CHILD who is all of 22 years old and probably has ridiculous college loans to pay back while SHE lives freakin' rent free???????????? Oh, yeah, I forgot, SHE pays for her own bills AND the GROCERIES for BOTH OF THEM....WOW, I'm impressed.

Obviously what is hers is hers and what is his she THINKS should be hers as well.....since their money is seperate, what possible business is it of hers what HE does with HIS money.....

Her anger and dislike of her stepson comes through clearly throughout her post. I know women like her - they resent every cent that is spent on their stepchildren. She, no doubt, makes the old man's life a misery anytime he does anything for or with the kid. I bet he hates her guts for that - and it is understandable. What a guttersnipe she shows herself to be.

We can only hope the old man leaves the house to his kid when he kicks and she gets her sorry can kicked to the curb the day of the funeral.

And my husband and I have children, the oldest one is grown and quite self sufficent.....and no step kids.

First, 22 isn't a CHILD anymore. Second, she's married to the father of this kid making his home hers and as she shares in the bills, she's not living RENT FREE. Thirdly, again, she's married to the father and his financial well being is her business as it affects them and their life together.

 

You sound like an enabler who would pander to their kid his whole life. Does your 40 year old son still live in your basement? Because if this lady allows her husband to further enable this kid, he's going to be a mooch his entire life.

[Guest Guest]

It appears to me that the problem is much bigger than this particular issue. It's a lack of communication with your husband. You barfed a whole load of crap about a cell phone problem on BCVOICE, when it could have been resolved in some way by talking to your husband in an open way.

 

 

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You dont think they havediscussed this? How did you miss the part where he said its my money and I will spend it any way I want? Does that sound like the kind of person you discuss things with? Is that a logical solution? Yeah, they got bigger issues than a cell phone.I agree there are bigger problems than the kids in this relationship. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree does it? Sounds like this kid has learned a thing or two from his father. Children learn what they see. Chances are the father treated the childs mother the same way and he doesnt know any better.Thats not really the kids fault but its not too late to start making himself accountable for his actions.

Although she doesnt sound desperate I cant think of any other reason this woman has put up with this man or his kid for all these years. He has no respect for her or their marriage. I cannot believe any man (or woman) in a relationship would say its my money I will spend it any way I want. I cannot believe a man would call his wife ignorant immature and an idiot because of her obvious sense of right and wrong. Although I do not know this woman even I can appreciate that she has some moral and ethical convictions.

Although I question her sanity for putting up with this for 20 years I give the gal some credit. She has raised her family,she is working, and she is taking care of her responsibilities. She doesnt sound like the gold digger you make her out to be otherwise she wouldnt be asking for her husbands credit card and she wouldnt be paying him back. I am guessing if she made as much money as her husband she wouldnt be asking to use “his” credit card. Give her some credit,she could just as well have gone out and applied for credit in his name and sent him the bill. Using your logic she should be laying on her butt all day, partying,playing and expecting him to take care of her. Personally if her husband can afford to support his adult children than I dont know why she isnt.

 

[Guest Guest]

It sounds like you are married to my ex.

Its all about control. Not only did he say this about his money but was told he would go where he wanted,see who he wanted,and do what he wanted. Of ourse he wanted seperate bills how else could he hide the calls to his girl friend,the gifts he bought her,the money he spent on her and his time away from the house. Get out while you still have some shred of self respect. He doesnt want to share his life with you he's controlling you. This kid didnt do this I guarantee you your husband has lied to you over and over,and over. He just isnt man enough to accept responsibility for his actions.

 

 

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