Parents What would you do if

[Guest Guest]

We are people responding to the OP. If she didn't want people butting in and taking sides, then she shouldn't have posted on a public board where anyone can post without signing in or even bothering to think up a catchy temporary screen name.

 

 

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DELETED off David.

[Guest Guest]

DELETED off David.

 

Let him go, Shows how ignorant he is. He isnt responding to the OP or even the subject matter. All he is interested in is passing judgement. If she didnt want to hear what others had to say she wouldnt have asked. I doubt very much that the opinions expressed here are going to change the facts or how she feels. Sounds like from reading the responses she is not the only one who has a problem with this brats behavior. It even sounds like there are a few mature kids responding to the OP. Isnt that what she asked for? You Go Girl! Stick to your convictions.

[Guest Benni Booboo]

If your husband is okay with it, why do feel the need to pursue it? You stated the child is out on his own, it's okay for a parent to help their child getting started in life. Maybe your husband did not want to confront you with it. Observing the way you are over reacting on a public message board kind of clues us all in as to how you would react to him face to face. Let it go, the son is not taking your life savings, he's healthy and getting a college degree. As for signing up for a new contract under Dad's name, he must have full access on the account.

[Guest Guest]

If your husband is okay with it, why do feel the need to pursue it? You stated the child is out on his own, it's okay for a parent to help their child getting started in life. Maybe your husband did not want to confront you with it. Observing the way you are over reacting on a public message board kind of clues us all in as to how you would react to him face to face. Let it go, the son is not taking your life savings, he's healthy and getting a college degree. As for signing up for a new contract under Dad's name, he must have full access on the account.

 

You have no clue my friend there are 3 kids and the cell phone is just icing on the cake. We own 3 cars, one is parked in our drive way, care to guess where the others are and who is paying for them? The child is not on his own, He is living with his mother. He is the youngest and will be returning to school in the Fall. He decided to take a year off because he needed a break. The oldest is still in school as well. You think its not possible they arent taking our lifes savings/ You add it up. Hes has been paying support for 21 years and still has at LEAST 3 to go My husband has enough time on the job to retire and cannot even think about it until these kids are finished with school and have jobs. When my husband told me 20 years ago there was light at the end of the tunnel he never mentioned we'd be too old to enjoy it. I hate to keep sounding like I am the perfect mother but I raised my kids to be independant so they could take care of themselves I wasnt planning on taking care of someone elses kids for the rest of my life. When you are ourage you should be able to relax and have fun We have both workedhard we deserve it. I think there is a huge difference between asking for help and expecting it. When the kid was in school and coldnt work the cell phone wasnt an issue. The agreement was once he finished school and the agreement ended his father was not going to renew it. Why else would he go on my plan.

[Guest Guest]

It isn't the step parents place to interfere, if you do , you look like the jerk. It doesn't matter weather you are right or wrong. Eventually dad will get over guilt and see son is taking advantage. But if you're the one to point it out, you put dad on defense and that will at the very least cause resentment and worst end marriage. What the adult child did was wrong, vent about it here, w/ your friends or whatever, but stay out of it.

 

 

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[Guest Guest]

You think its not possible they arent taking our lifes savings/ You add it up. Hes has been paying support for 21 years

Excuse me but I am confused....if the kid is 22 then the years of child support started when the kid was one year old. News flash: those years of the man playing child support was NOT 'taking your life savings'...it is called raising children. Just because he was no longer living with the kids, he was still their FATHER (and gee interesting that he had a one year old child and was with you...hmmm) He wasn't using up his - or your - 'life savings' paying child support, he was living up to his responsibilty to his children. It is just as clear as a window how you feel and felt about the money that he was paying...not just now, but when the kids were young - If you were honest you would admit that you always resented the MONEY (and no doubt the time and love) that went to his kids.

I've met women like you...and I have seen the pain of the children. What you make clear is that you resent and dislike HIS kids. The 'adult' is ALL of 22 years old, is working a year and then going back to school and you are carrying on about a few bucks a month? I mean, really? Their father, the one who actually loves them, is Ok with this, so why do you have an issue? It can NOT be for the $20/month, it just can't be.

The kids are in college, trying to build a career and you crab about the child support.

I feel sorry for the kids because I KNOW that your attitude toward them is just one of dislike and resentment. And, if I were a better person, I'd feel sorry for you because you missed out on love and caring from the kids....

You bought into this situation when you married a man who had children already and then proceeded to, no doubt, expect the kids to come to you with open arms when you replaced their mom (with the dad) in their eyes...and rather than be the adult and SUCK IT UP like you should have, you acted the part of the victim and blamed them.

I know self centered hateful selfish second wives like you. And no, there isn't one in my life, thank the good Lord. To come on here as the victim is just beyond the pale...you have a nerve.

I could actually feel sorry for your husband, however, I'd bet next week's paycheck that HE left wife #1 for you (give the fact that you two were together when the youngest was one) and that he cheated on his marriage with you..and has been paying the price for it by living in hell with a women who hates his kids.

I hope he leaves you for #3 and you end up in a cruddy little apartment for the rest of your crummy little life. You can believe that his kids won't ever ever be there for you and wouldn't spit on you to put you out if you were on fire. What a pice of human flotsam. (Look it up you dumb piece of ------)

[Guest Guest]

First, 22 isn't a CHILD anymore. Second, she's married to the father of this kid making his home hers and as she shares in the bills, she's not living RENT FREE. Thirdly, again, she's married to the father and his financial well being is her business as it affects them and their life together.

 

You sound like an enabler who would pander to their kid his whole life. Does your 40 year old son still live in your basement? Because if this lady allows her husband to further enable this kid, he's going to be a mooch his entire life.

Oh for Gawd's sake, the kid is 22, not 42. He is taking a year off from college and working. Big damn deal.

She talks about how fiscally independent she is and the fact she makes HER car payment and pays for groceries...wow, don't hurt yourself sister.....yeah, pal, she is living rent free.

You are right about one thing - his financial well being is her business as it affects them and their life together. Guess she should have considered that when she married a guy with 3 children...and YOUNG kids at that, huh?

If pandering to your kids means paying their flipping phone bill for the year they take off from college, yeah, I would pander. But, I guess the proof is in the pudding...My first and ONLY husband and I have 3 kids, one graduated from college and financially independent, one still in college - on the way to grad school (OHHHH what a moocher, huh?) and one in high school who is will be in ROTC next year. So, I guess our pandering to them paid off.

At least my kids don't have a spiteful witch of a stepmother that tore down their self-esteem by comparing them to her oh-so 'perfect' kids. So, I guess it has worked out for my family, huh?

 

 

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[Guest Guest]

Oh for Gawd's sake, the kid is 22, not 42. He is taking a year off from college and working. Big damn deal.

She talks about how fiscally independent she is and the fact she makes HER car payment and pays for groceries...wow, don't hurt yourself sister.....yeah, pal, she is living rent free.

You are right about one thing - his financial well being is her business as it affects them and their life together. Guess she should have considered that when she married a guy with 3 children...and YOUNG kids at that, huh?

If pandering to your kids means paying their flipping phone bill for the year they take off from college, yeah, I would pander. But, I guess the proof is in the pudding...My first and ONLY husband and I have 3 kids, one graduated from college and financially independent, one still in college - on the way to grad school (OHHHH what a moocher, huh?) and one in high school who is will be in ROTC next year. So, I guess our pandering to them paid off.

At least my kids don't have a spiteful witch of a stepmother that tore down their self-esteem by comparing them to her oh-so 'perfect' kids. So, I guess it has worked out for my family, huh?

 

 

@

You responded to my post. At 22, I had already done basic (AF) at Lakeland, TX (went in right after highschool, spent my 18th birthday in the infirmary, I was so sick) and was in college & working two jobs supporting myself. So, yes, if you're still supporting your "kids" in their 20's, they're mooches.

[Bee]

To the original poster.

 

I think you ought to let it go, letting it chew away at you for an extended period will be non-productive. Accept that things are what they are and direct your energy elsewhere. Good luck.

[NY Patriot]

I am the OP and I am agreeing with SOME of what you say. There is nothing wrong with helping your kids.I too have kids and have just added them to my family share plan. They asked, we discussed it,and they agreed and are paying their share of the bill. Is it too much to ask that a 21 year old college graduate pay at least his share of the bill? Our kids are the same age so dont even go there making excuses about wanting to help out his kid. Mine both work, and pay their own bills. They arent sleeping on their mommys couch they have their own place. The money isn't the issue because his father although not wealthy can afford 65 a month. I have an issue with it because he didnt ask, he just did it.

 

He doesn't need to ask permission from you for anything in regard to his son. Your not the boys mom or your husbands for that matter. Meddling in a father and son relationship is a quick way to a divorce. Let it be and be glad he has a relationship with his son.

 

 

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[Guest Guest]

If youll notice the original post said nothing about our financial situation,about my kids, my money, or anything to do with me,me,me. Trust me when I say that I am the furthest thing from being a princess. That all came about after I was accused of wanting everything for myself and being a gold digger.I was asked how I would react of the situation was reversed -I answered a question. I know who I am and what I am. How I come across to you or anybody else doesnt mean squat. Your assumptions couldnt be further from the truth. You only know what you are reading here, there is no way you could possibly know the whole story. If I didnt expect to take crap or have people disagree with me I wouldnt have put this out there. When I started it the post I asked a simple question how would a parent handle the situation and doesnt anyone else see this behavior as a problem. Finances really have nothing to do with this situation. Its about a childs behavior. It shouldnt matter weither we are dirt poor,millionares, stepparents,or biological parents I was asking an opinion on the childs behavior and weither others think what he did was acceptable.

 

Just in the first half of your paragraph, you referred to YOURSELF 16 times, and you expect us to believe that you arent self centered? C'mon sweetie, open your eyes.

You also spend more time defending your original post than you do elaborating for us so we can get a better understanding of what is really going on here. Then you get even MORE defensive and say we dont know the whole story. You are right princess, we dont because you spend more time defending yourself from the truth that you are self centered and a witch.

I see YOUR attitude as a problem. Hey, you want to screw up a bunch of people's lives over a cell phone, have fun. Makes no diff. to me what in the heck you do. I think you are one of those mean step moms from what you are displaying on here.

[Guest Guest]

At 22, I had already done basic (AF) at Lakeland, TX (went in right after highschool, spent my 18th birthday in the infirmary, I was so sick) and was in college & working two jobs supporting myself. So, yes, if you're still supporting your "kids" in their 20's, they're mooches

So at 22 you were in the service, in college AND working two jobs, huh?

Yeah, when pigs fly you were.

So, you have the option of not helping your mooches of children. I choose a different way. I will help my kids while they are in college.

Your parents chose not to, that was their affair. It is not unreasonable to assist good kids who are doing well through college.

Your belief that helping college-age kids makes them mooches is in the minority. Paying for a cell phone really isn't all that big a deal, c'mon.

I didn't have kids to give them the heave-ho and the first possible opportunity, your parents obviously cultured you to feel that is the way it should be done. I paid for my own college and worked one part time job, but my parents did 'help' me - for example when my car went on the fritz they paid for the repairs, they were extremely generous at Christmas and my birthday with clothes, snacks, a toaster or a new blanket and the like to take back to school, and occasionally would give me money and tell me to go out with friends and get a pizza, that kind of thing. I think they did it because they LOVED me and saw me trying to (and succeeding at) doing the 'right thing'.

PS I graduated magna cum laude and went on to earn a masters degree while working full time in my professional field

So I, in turn, am more than willing and grateful that my husband and I are able to help our kids in a similar way.

Frankly, I feel kinda sorry for you.

[Guest Guest]

and you expect us to believe that you arent self centered? C'mon sweetie, open your eyes.

You also spend more time defending your original post than you do elaborating for us so we can get a better understanding of what is really going on here. Then you get even MORE defensive and say we dont know the whole story. You are right princess, we dont because you spend more time defending yourself from the truth that you are self centered and a witch.

I see YOUR attitude as a problem. Hey, you want to screw up a bunch of people's lives over a cell phone, have fun. Makes no diff. to me what in the heck you do. I think you are one of those mean step moms from what you are displaying on here.

 

"Just in the first half of your paragraph, you referred to YOURSELF 16 times"

 

WTF are you talking about? I have read the OP over several times and I dont feel she came off as self centered and a princess. She is also being blamed for airing her business on a public board. She didnt give any more information than was needed to ask a question She asked a question about an issue that very few of you actually addressed. You crucified the woman before you knew anything about her,her history with the husband or the children. You people assumed she is wicked because she expects her stepson to step up and be responsible. Is she wicked because she expects the same of her own?If it wasnt her stepson and was just a stranger off the street would that make a difference? I didnt hear her say the phone was a problem when it was given to the child I didnt even get the impression that it was an issue at this time because her and her husband discussed helping the kid get the phone in his own name. It was AFTER the kid took it upon himself to enter into a legal binding contract and make his father financially responsible for his actions that she seemed to have a problem.

You wonder why our kids act the way they do and they shoot each other down in the street. You bitch about what this City is turning into The responsibility is yours It starts at home Dont blame the police for not policing YOUR children,dont blame the Mayor for the crime in the city There are not enough parents out there who actually care what their kids are doing and are willing to make them responsible. It takes a lot of hard work to raise kids. For some it is just easier to give in to them than make them accountable for their actions.

[Guest Guest]

So at 22 you were in the service, in college AND working two jobs, huh?

Yeah, when pigs fly you were.

Do you know how to read? I said BY 22 I was DONE w/the service and in college working 2 jobs. DUH. Read more, post less.

 

[Guest Guest]

Do you know how to read? I said BY 22 I was DONE w/the service and in college working 2 jobs. DUH. Read more, post less.

 

This is so typical of the idiots on this board. They can read they just dont comprehend.

They dont want to give credit where credit is due. They are quick to point the finger at others but cant see through their shortcomings. They read way too much into things. They listen, but they hear what they want

They are the ones who are ignorant for making assumptions when the actually have no clue. You can tell the intellegance of some posters who make statements like "I know women like you"

 

Not everyone was looking to find fault with your post and some actually appreciated your content as well as your accomplishments You should be very proud of yourself.

 

 

@

[Guest Guest]

"Just in the first half of your paragraph, you referred to YOURSELF 16 times"

 

WTF are you talking about? I have read the OP over several times and I dont feel she came off as self centered and a princess. She is also being blamed for airing her business on a public board. She didnt give any more information than was needed to ask a question She asked a question about an issue that very few of you actually addressed. You crucified the woman before you knew anything about her,her history with the husband or the children. You people assumed she is wicked because she expects her stepson to step up and be responsible. Is she wicked because she expects the same of her own?If it wasnt her stepson and was just a stranger off the street would that make a difference? I didnt hear her say the phone was a problem when it was given to the child I didnt even get the impression that it was an issue at this time because her and her husband discussed helping the kid get the phone in his own name. It was AFTER the kid took it upon himself to enter into a legal binding contract and make his father financially responsible for his actions that she seemed to have a problem.

You wonder why our kids act the way they do and they shoot each other down in the street. You bitch about what this City is turning into The responsibility is yours It starts at home Dont blame the police for not policing YOUR children,dont blame the Mayor for the crime in the city There are not enough parents out there who actually care what their kids are doing and are willing to make them responsible. It takes a lot of hard work to raise kids. For some it is just easier to give in to them than make them accountable for their actions.

 

 

"My husband gives me anything I ask for. I have even charged things to his credit card but asked first and payed the bill. I am married to the man we have been together for 20 years and I wouldnt dream of doing this Are all kids DELETED ?"

 

 

I agree...

 

Gold Digger? How does one make that assumption based on the OP?

[Guest Guest]

So at 22 you were in the service, in college AND working two jobs, huh?

Yeah, when pigs fly you were.

So, you have the option of not helping your mooches of children. I choose a different way. I will help my kids while they are in college.

Your parents chose not to, that was their affair. It is not unreasonable to assist good kids who are doing well through college.

Your belief that helping college-age kids makes them mooches is in the minority. Paying for a cell phone really isn't all that big a deal, c'mon.

I didn't have kids to give them the heave-ho and the first possible opportunity, your parents obviously cultured you to feel that is the way it should be done. I paid for my own college and worked one part time job, but my parents did 'help' me - for example when my car went on the fritz they paid for the repairs, they were extremely generous at Christmas and my birthday with clothes, snacks, a toaster or a new blanket and the like to take back to school, and occasionally would give me money and tell me to go out with friends and get a pizza, that kind of thing. I think they did it because they LOVED me and saw me trying to (and succeeding at) doing the 'right thing'.

PS I graduated magna cum laude and went on to earn a masters degree while working full time in my professional field

So I, in turn, am more than willing and grateful that my husband and I are able to help our kids in a similar way.

Frankly, I feel kinda sorry for you.

 

It doesnt sound like in this case you are comparing apples to apples. First of all you mentioned you were in college-He is not. I am not saying it is wriong to help out but there is a big difference between wanting and needing something. You also mentioned you worked part time while in college and then full time while you earned your Masters. If you were paying attention you would have realized there are other kids all in school. The oldest graduated from HS 10 years ago and still in school -no job.

You dont really think this kid (or kids) isnt also getting all of the things you mentioned above do you? Youre a college grad, you cant be stupid enough to think it is only a cell phone.

 

 

@

[Guest Guest]

At 22, I had already done basic (AF) at Lakeland

Well EXCUSE ME. I wasn't in the service and I thought basic was basic training.

What do you have to say about the rest of my post, or was that the ONLY thing you noticed. Read more yourself, pal.

[Guest Guest]

It doesnt sound like in this case you are comparing apples to apples. First of all you mentioned you were in college-He is not. I am not saying it is wriong to help out but there is a big difference between wanting and needing something. You also mentioned you worked part time while in college and then full time while you earned your Masters. If you were paying attention you would have realized there are other kids all in school. The oldest graduated from HS 10 years ago and still in school -no job.

You dont really think this kid (or kids) isnt also getting all of the things you mentioned above do you? Youre a college grad, you cant be stupid enough to think it is only a cell phone.

I didn't see that the oldest graduated 10 yrs ago and no job. Where is that said by the OP?

I still say this..she married a guy with three kids about a minute and a half after the youngest one was born (ok ok one WHOLE year)..she talks about the kids using up their life savings when referring to 21 years of child support....That statement, in and of itself, is beyond telling.

She wants him and his money and her kids and that is it..she is finding excuses to hate his kids. Yeah, I DO know women like that...that isn't ignorant, it is having half a flipping brain. She is..well it rhymes with witch and starts with a b

[Guest Guest]

Well EXCUSE ME. I wasn't in the service and I thought basic was basic training.

What do you have to say about the rest of my post, or was that the ONLY thing you noticed. Read more yourself, pal.

It wasn't the ONLY thing I noticed, it was the first thing I noticed and I felt the rest was not worth my response however....

 

If you want me to post MORE of my opinion on your post, ok. My kids AREN'T MOOCHES. They work, yes, work for everything they want. NOTHING in life is FREE. Are they slaves? No, are they responsible for EARNING their own way? Yes. They will not grow up feeling entitled or be leaches on society. If this "kid" mentioned in the original post is 22 WHY CAN'T HE GET A JOB TO HELP PAY HIS OWN WAY? It's stated that he's not in school. So, if he's not working and he's not in school, what is he? A MOOCH! A mooch who won't even earn his own $50.00 a month to cover his phone bill! When he's "grown up" and gets into a bind, will he still expect daddy to bail him out? You bet! Why? Cause that's what mooches and leaches do!

 

My parents didn't give me the heave-ho at their earliest opportunity. I chose to start a working after highschool rather than have my parents have to support me. It was the RESPONSIBLE thing to do. The thing that ADULTS do. Unless you are handicapped, I don't believe it's beneficial to be living with mommy and daddy if you're 20+ years old!

[Guest Guest]

Excuse me but I am confused....if the kid is 22 then the years of child support started when the kid was one year old. News flash: those years of the man playing child support was NOT 'taking your life savings'...it is called raising children. Just because he was no longer living with the kids, he was still their FATHER (and gee interesting that he had a one year old child and was with you...hmmm) He wasn't using up his - or your - 'life savings' paying child support, he was living up to his responsibilty to his children. It is just as clear as a window how you feel and felt about the money that he was paying...not just now, but when the kids were young - If you were honest you would admit that you always resented the MONEY (and no doubt the time and love) that went to his kids.

I've met women like you...and I have seen the pain of the children. What you make clear is that you resent and dislike HIS kids. The 'adult' is ALL of 22 years old, is working a year and then going back to school and you are carrying on about a few bucks a month? I mean, really? Their father, the one who actually loves them, is Ok with this, so why do you have an issue? It can NOT be for the $20/month, it just can't be.

The kids are in college, trying to build a career and you crab about the child support.

I feel sorry for the kids because I KNOW that your attitude toward them is just one of dislike and resentment. And, if I were a better person, I'd feel sorry for you because you missed out on love and caring from the kids....

You bought into this situation when you married a man who had children already and then proceeded to, no doubt, expect the kids to come to you with open arms when you replaced their mom (with the dad) in their eyes...and rather than be the adult and SUCK IT UP like you should have, you acted the part of the victim and blamed them.

I know self centered hateful selfish second wives like you. And no, there isn't one in my life, thank the good Lord. To come on here as the victim is just beyond the pale...you have a nerve.

I could actually feel sorry for your husband, however, I'd bet next week's paycheck that HE left wife #1 for you (give the fact that you two were together when the youngest was one) and that he cheated on his marriage with you..and has been paying the price for it by living in hell with a women who hates his kids.

I hope he leaves you for #3 and you end up in a cruddy little apartment for the rest of your crummy little life. You can believe that his kids won't ever ever be there for you and wouldn't spit on you to put you out if you were on fire. What a pice of human flotsam. (Look it up you dumb piece of ------)

 

I said we were married and I said we have been together 20 years. Being the obnoxious fool that you are, you ASSUMED we have been married 20 years. Not that it is really your business but we have actually been married and living together 6. We lived apart and saw each other every other week-end for almost 15 years. I had my own home and their father lived with his dad He was not supporting me and he was not spending "their"money on me. They have never gone without. That is a huge sacrifice to make. Will they ever appreciate it? no, but it doesnt matter. I have to answer to my own children What they think of me is all that matters. I know I did a good job raising them I am a good mother and a good person. You also put 2 and 2 together and decided I broke up that marriage- She threw him out because she claimed he drank too much. It wasnt until he started seeing someone that she decided she wanted him back. I wish I had the time to tell you what that woman has put me and MY kids through. I dont deal with this crap with my ex, I dont play head games with my kids I will not deal with her. Dont even get me started on the poor ex. All I can say is if I were married to her I would have been a drunk too.l.

We decided to wait until the kids were old enough to form their opinions instead of basing their opinions on what they were told by their mother. I am no gold digger and am certainly not a wicked stepmom. They have never gone without anything because of me. I have put myself out there for 20 years. My kids and I have always asked and the kids have always been welcome to my house. We tried to include them in everything. I bought them gifts when they were small but could never sign a card or give them to them because their mother would find out. Their mother wouldnt even let them go with their father if she knew they would be around me. I spent the first 14 years of our life together not being allowed to have anything to do with them or their father if they were with him. You really have no right to judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes. If you still think I am a gold digger that certainly is your perrogative. I am sure this doesnt change the fact that you dont see a problem with the dad paying a cell phone bill, (which wasnt really the issue at all) but perhaps you understand why I have an issue with the behavior

[Guest Request]

If youll notice the original post said nothing about our financial situation,about my kids, my money, or anything to do with me,me,me. Trust me when I say that I am the furthest thing from being a princess. That all came about after I was accused of wanting everything for myself and being a gold digger.I was asked how I would react of the situation was reversed -I answered a question. I know who I am and what I am. How I come across to you or anybody else doesnt mean squat. Your assumptions couldnt be further from the truth. You only know what you are reading here, there is no way you could possibly know the whole story. If I didnt expect to take crap or have people disagree with me I wouldnt have put this out there. When I started it the post I asked a simple question how would a parent handle the situation and doesnt anyone else see this behavior as a problem. Finances really have nothing to do with this situation. Its about a childs behavior. It shouldnt matter weither we are dirt poor,millionares, stepparents,or biological parents I was asking an opinion on the childs behavior and weither others think what he did was acceptable.

 

I gotta agree with the step mom on this one. What gives him the right to take out a contract in his father's name!! This kid thinks the world owes him a living (why isn't it he working? He's been out of college for 10 months now) and his father too. It's time to cut him off. As long as you enable him to act this way - he will keep doing it. It's time to cut the apron strings and send this kid out into the cruel bad world. Let him get his own contract!

 

As far as the Dad goes - he should have talked to you first before making that decision. That's called marriage!

 

 

@

[Guest quest]

I said we were married and I said we have been together 20 years. Being the obnoxious fool that you are, you ASSUMED we have been married 20 years. Not that it is really your business but we have actually been married and living together 6. We lived apart and saw each other every other week-end for almost 15 years. I had my own home and their father lived with his dad He was not supporting me and he was not spending "their"money on me. They have never gone without. That is a huge sacrifice to make. Will they ever appreciate it? no, but it doesnt matter. I have to answer to my own children What they think of me is all that matters. I know I did a good job raising them I am a good mother and a good person. You also put 2 and 2 together and decided I broke up that marriage- She threw him out because she claimed he drank too much. It wasnt until he started seeing someone that she decided she wanted him back. I wish I had the time to tell you what that woman has put me and MY kids through. I dont deal with this crap with my ex, I dont play head games with my kids I will not deal with her. Dont even get me started on the poor ex. All I can say is if I were married to her I would have been a drunk too.l.

We decided to wait until the kids were old enough to form their opinions instead of basing their opinions on what they were told by their mother. I am no gold digger and am certainly not a wicked stepmom. They have never gone without anything because of me. I have put myself out there for 20 years. My kids and I have always asked and the kids have always been welcome to my house. We tried to include them in everything. I bought them gifts when they were small but could never sign a card or give them to them because their mother would find out. Their mother wouldnt even let them go with their father if she knew they would be around me. I spent the first 14 years of our life together not being allowed to have anything to do with them or their father if they were with him. You really have no right to judge anyone until you have walked in their shoes. If you still think I am a gold digger that certainly is your perrogative. I am sure this doesnt change the fact that you dont see a problem with the dad paying a cell phone bill, (which wasnt really the issue at all) but perhaps you understand why I have an issue with the behavior

 

 

Well said OP. I agree woth you 100% Seems this has been a rather difficult time for you, more so the negative posts you've had to deal with. Keep your chin up, you KNOW who you are...thats ALL that matters.

[Guest Guest]

I am married to the man we have been together for 20 years

That is from your original post and a very interesting way to put it, since you now you say well, we saw each other every other weekend...that isn't really, technically, a lie but it sure is an odd way to 'be together', just every other weekend.

Anyway, in thinking this over, if I accept what you are saying at face value, what is it you are hoping to accomplish by having this attitude about the entire deal? In your first post you said that your husband called you immature and, oh I can't remember but a whole lotta not nice names. This attitude is eating you up, probably damaging your marriage and not changing one thing for the better.

Seriously, the ONLY person you can change is YOU, not him, not the kid....and, in my opinion at least, we are put on this earth to try and help others - not die with the most toys....so, you are married to, and love, a man who has a child HE obviously cares for - let him give the kid the $ and consider it a charitable donation. You will NEVER EVER separate your husband from his kids, nor should you. If he deals with his children in a way that you disagree with, really, there isn't anything you can do other than suck it up or leave. Your choices are very limited.

However, you do come off as victimized by the man's children and you certainly DID imply that the kids took money from the life savings of your husband and you, so honestly, I do think you dislike his kids - and how their mother treated you and your husband is NO FAULT of the children, so leave her out of it.

 

[Guest cj]

I can't believe some of the ridiculous replies on this site. It's like nobody has any respect! If any of you spoke to me in person the way you answer in your posts I would probably slap first and ask your name after! I to am a step mom and if I was in this situation I would expect respect and consideration. I would expect my child (I don't believe in 'steps') to ask either for my advice on the subject or ask for OUR assistance. And I would NEVER NEVER EVER co-sign for credit for anyone. My child or someone else's including my husbands. It's not that I don't love them. In fact it is because I love them that I wouldn't do that. I love them enough to teach them the value of wise spending and good credit.